Well, listeners, this is Tony Weldon speaking. Here we are on the
third of our series of Ghost Hunts. Let's hope it will be more
successful than the other two. All our preparations have been made and
now it is up to the spooks. My colleague tonight is Professor Mignon of
Paris. He is the most celebrated investigator of psychic phenomena in
the world and I am very proud to be his collaborator.
We
are in a medium-sized, three-story Georgian house not far from London.
We have chosen it for this reason: it has a truly terrible history.
Since it was built, there are records of no less than thirty suicides in
or from it and there may well have been more. There have been eight
since 1893. Its builder and first occupant was a prosperous city
merchant and a very bad hat, it appears: glutton, wine bibber and other
undesirable things, including a very bad husband. His wife stood his
cruelties and infidelities as long as she could and then hanged herself
in the powder closet belonging to the biggest bedroom on the second
floor, so initiating a horrible sequence.
I used the
expression "suicides in and from it", because while some have shot
themselves and some hanged themselves, no less than nine have done a
very strange thing. They have risen from their beds during the night and
flung themselves to death in the river which runs past the bottom of
the garden some hundred yards away. The last one was actually seen to do
so at dawn on an autumn morning. He was seen running headlong and heard
to be shouting as though to companions running by his side. The owner
tells me people simply will not live in the house and the agents will no
longer keep it on their books. He will not live in it himself, for very
good reasons, he declares. He will not tell us what those reasons are;
he wishes us to have an absolutely open mind on the subject, as it were.
And he declares that if the professor's verdict is unfavorable, he will
pull down the house and rebuild it. One can understand that, for it
seems to merit the label, "Death Trap".
Well, that is
sufficient introduction. I think I have convinced you it certainly
merits investigation, but we cannot guarantee to deliver the goods or
the ghosts, which have an awkward habit of taking a night off on these
occasions.
And now to business - imagine me seated at a
fine satinwood table, not quite in the middle of a big reception room
on the ground floor. The rest of the furniture is shrouded in white
protective covers. The walls are light oak panels. The electric light in
the house has been switched off, so all the illumination I have is a
not very powerful electric lamp. I shall remain here with a mike while
the professor roams the house in search of what he may find. He will not
have a mike, as it distracts him and he has a habit, so he says, of
talking to himself while he conducts these investigations. He will
return to me as soon as he has anything to report. Is that all clear?
Well, then, here is the professor to say a few words to you before he
sets forth on his tour of discovery. I may say he speaks English far
better than I do. Professor Mignon -
Ladies and
gentlemen, this is Professor Mignon. This house is without doubt, how
shall I say, impregnated with evil. It affects one profoundly. It is
bad, bad, bad! It is soaked in evil and reeking from its wicked past. It
must be pulled down, I assure you. I do not think it affects my friend,
Mr. Weldon, in the same way, but he is not psychic, not mediumistic, as
I am. Now shall we see ghosts, spirits? Ah, that I cannot say! But they
are here and they are evil; that is sure. I can feel their presence.
There is, maybe, danger. I shall soon know. And now I shall start off
with just one electric torch to show me the way. Presently I will come
back and tell you what I have seen, or if not seen, felt and perhaps
suffered. But remember, though we can summon spirits from the vasty
deep, will they come when we call for them? We shall see.
Well,
listeners, I'm sure if anyone can, it's the professor. You must have
found those few words far more impressive than anything I said. That was
an expert speaking on what he knows. Personally, alone here in this
big, silent room, they didn't have a very reassuring effect on me. In
fact, he wasn't quite correct when he said this place didn't affect me
at all. I don't find it a very cheerful spot, by any means. You can be
sure of that. I may not be psychic, but I've certainly got a sort of
feeling it doesn't want us here, resents us, and would like to see the
back of us. Or else! I felt that way as soon as I entered the front
door. One sort of had to wade through the hostility. I'm not kidding or
trying to raise your hopes.
It's very quiet here,
listeners. I'm having a look around the room. This lamp casts some queer
shadows. There is an odd one near the wall by the door, but I realize
now it must be one cast by a big Adams bookcase. I know that's what it
is because I peeped under the dust cover when I first came in. It's a
very fine piece. It's queer to think of you all listening to me. I
shouldn't really mind if I had some of you for company. The owner of the
house told us we should probably hear rats and mice in the wainscoting.
Well, I can certainly hear them now. Pretty hefty rats, from the sound
of them - even you can almost hear them, I should think.
Well,
what else is there to tell you about? Nothing very much, except that
there's a bat in the room. I think it must be a bat and not a bird. I
haven't actually seen it, only its shadow as it flew past the wall just
now and then it fanned past my face. I don't know much about bats, but I
thought they went to bed in the winter. This one must suffer from
insomnia. Ah, there it is again - it actually touched me as it passed.
Now I can hear the professor moving about in the room above. I don't suppose you can - have a try. Now listen carefully -
Hello!
Did you hear that? He must have knocked over a chair or something - a
heavy chair, from the sound of it. I wonder if he's having any luck. Ah,
there's that bat again - it seems to like me. Each time it just touches
my face with its wings as it passes. They're smelly things, bats - I
don't think they wash often enough. This one smells kind of rotten.
I
wonder what the professor knocked over - I can see a small stain
forming on the ceiling. Perhaps a flower bowl or something. Hello! Did
you hear that sharp crack? I think you must have. The oak panelling
stretching, I suppose, but it was almost ear-splitting in here.
Something ran across my foot then - a rat, perhaps. I've always loathed
rats. Most people do, of course.
That stain on the
ceiling has grown quite a lot. I think I'll just go to the door and
shout to the professor to make sure he's all right. You'll hear me shout
and his answer, I expect -
Professor! - Professor! -
Well,
he didn't answer. I believe he's a little bit deaf. But he's sure to be
all right. I won't try again just yet, as I know he likes to be
undisturbed on these occasions. I'll sit down again for a minute or two.
I'm afraid this is rather dull for you, listeners. I'm not finding it
so, but then of course -There, I heard him cough. Did you hear that
cough, listeners - a sort of very throaty double cough? It seemed to
come from -
I wonder if he's crept down and is having a
little fun with me, because I tell you, listeners, this place is
beginning to get on my nerves just a wee little bit, just a bit. I
wouldn't live in it for a pension, a very large pension - Get away, you
brute! That bat - faugh! It stinks.
Now listen
carefully - can you hear those rats? Having a game of Rugger, from the
sound of them. I really shall be quite glad to get out of here. I can
quite imagine people doing themselves in in this house. Saying to
themselves, after all, it isn't much of a life when you think of it -
figure it out, is it? Just work and worry and getting old and seeing
your friends die. Let's end it all in the river!
I'm
not being very cheerful, am I? It's this darned house. Those other two
places we investigated didn't worry me a bit, but this - I wonder what
the professor's doing, besides coughing. I can't quite make that cough
out because - get away, you brute! That bat'll be the death of me! Death
of me! Death of me!
I'm glad I've got you to talk to,
listeners, but I wish you could answer back. I'm beginning to dislike
the sound of my own voice. After a time, if you've been talking in a
room alone, you get fanciful. Have you ever noticed that? You sort of
think you can hear someone talking back -
There! - No,
of course you couldn't have heard it, because it wasn't there, of
course. Just in my head. Just subjective, that's the word.
That's
the word. Very odd. That was me laughing, of course. I'm saying "of
course" a lot. Of course I am. Well, listeners, I'm afraid this is
awfully dull for you. Not for me, though, not for me! No ghosts so far,
unless the professor is having better luck -
There! You
must have heard that! What a crack that panelling makes! Well, you must
have heard that, listeners - better than nothing! Ha, ha! Professor!
Professor! Phew, what an echo!
Now, listeners, I'm going to stop talking for a moment. I don't suppose you'll mind. Let's see if we can hear anything -
Did
you hear it? I'm not exactly sure what it was. Not sure. I wonder if
you heard it? Not exactly, but the house shook a little and the windows
rattled. I don't think we'll do that again. I'll go on talking. I wonder
how long one could endure the atmosphere of this place. It certainly is
inclined to get one down.
Gosh, that stain has grown -
the one on the ceiling. It's actually started to drip. I mean form
bubbles - they'll start dropping soon. Colored bubbles, apparently. I
wonder if the professor is okay? I mean he might have shut himself up in
a powder closet or something, and the powder closets in this house
aren't particularly - well, you never know, do you?
Now
I should have said that shadow had moved. No, I suppose I put the lamp
down in a slightly different position. Shadows do make odd patterns, you
must have noticed that. This one might be a body lying on its face with
its arms stretched out. Cheerful, aren't I? An aunt of mine gassed
herself, as a matter of fact - well, I don't know why I told you that.
Not quite in the script.
Professor! Professor! Where
is that old fuzzy-whiskers? I shall certainly advise the owner to have
this place pulled down. Emphatically. Then where'll you go! I must go
upstairs in a minute or two and see what's happened to the professor.
Well, I was telling you about auntie -
D'you know,
listeners, I really believe I'd go completely crackers if I stayed here
much longer - more or less, anyway, and quite soon, quite soon, quite
soon. Absolutely stark, staring! It wears you down. That's exactly it,
it wears you down. I can quite understand - well, I won't say all that
again. I'm afraid this is all awfully dull for you, listeners. I should
switch it off if I were you -
I should! What's on the
other program? I mean it - switch off! There, what did I tell you - that
stain's started to drip drops, drip drops, drip drops, drip drops! I'll
go and catch one on my hand -
Good God!
Professor!
Professor! Professor! Now up those stairs! Which room would it be? Left
or right? Left, right, left, right - left has it. In we go
—
Well,
gentlemen, good evening! What have you done with the professor? I know
he's dead - see his blood on my hand? What have you done with him? Make
way, please, gentlemen. What have you done with him? D'you want me to
sing it - tra-la-la -
Switch off, you fools! Well, if
this isn't too darned funny - ha, ha, ha, ha! Hear me laughing,
listeners -Switch off, you fools!
That can't be him lying there - he hadn't a red beard! Don't crowd round me, gentlemen. Don't crowd me, I tell you!
What
do you want me to do? You want me to go to the river, don't you? Ha,
ha! Now? Will you come with me? Come on, then! To the river! To the
river!
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